History jokes
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?
They both died at 95.
Did you know victims of 9/11 are fast readers?
They went down 100 stories in 4 seconds.
I would tell you a joke about 9/11, but it would come crashing down on you.
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
Memes
And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"
What's a snake's favorite subject?
Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.
What did Helen Keller do when she fell down a well?
Screamed till her hands fell off.
What do Monica and Bill Clinton have in common? They both did not inhale. Lol.
What's tall, has a twin, and is in Manhattan?
Nothing, Bin Laden destroyed them all.
...
What were Princess Diana's last words?
Have you been Dri...?
Bully: Ur Gay.
Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.
Bully: *runs away and hears crash*
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semen, and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.
Now that's a hell of a ghost story!
Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?
There was none, it was all white!
What was the last thing on the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
...
...
Their knees.
*Ba dum tss*