History jokes
What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?
They both died at 95.
And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"
I would tell you a joke about 9/11, but it would come crashing down on you.
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
What's a snake's favorite subject?
Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.
Memes
What did Helen Keller do when she fell down a well?
Screamed till her hands fell off.
What do Monica and Bill Clinton have in common? They both did not inhale. Lol.
What were Princess Diana's last words?
Have you been Dri...?
What's tall, has a twin, and is in Manhattan?
Nothing, Bin Laden destroyed them all.
...
Q: What is Hitler's least favorite grocery store?
A: Jew-Osco
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not the two Twin Towers.
How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.
Bully: Ur Gay.
Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.
Bully: *runs away and hears crash*
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
"Where is Germany again, Father?"
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."
"Yes?"
"Has Hitler seen this map?"
There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semen, and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.
Now that's a hell of a ghost story!
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.