History jokes
Why did Helen Keller fail school? She was bad at language.
Yo hairline so far back, it goes back to Jesus on the cross!
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Michael Jackson is like a TV from the 1900s: black and white.
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
Who is buried in the tomb of Alexander the Grape?
Alexander the raisin.
Why are New Yorkers so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers!
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
Why are Americans bad at chess?
Because they lost two towers.
If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?
They both died at 95.
Did you know victims of 9/11 are fast readers?
They went down 100 stories in 4 seconds.
And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"
I would tell you a joke about 9/11, but it would come crashing down on you.
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
Teacher: Tell me a moral story.
Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.
Teacher: What is the moral even?
Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.