History jokes
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,
and then you remember you’re French.
Who is buried in the tomb of Alexander the Grape?
Alexander the raisin.
What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?
They both died at 95.
Did you know victims of 9/11 are fast readers?
They went down 100 stories in 4 seconds.
If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
What do the people in heaven that died on the Titanic call the Titanic? The Dietanic.
Why are New Yorkers so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers!
Yo hairline so far back, it goes back to Jesus on the cross!
Why did Helen Keller fail school? She was bad at language.
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
Why are Americans bad at chess?
Because they lost two towers.
I would tell you a joke about 9/11, but it would come crashing down on you.
And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"
What did Helen Keller do when she fell down a well?
Screamed till her hands fell off.
What's a snake's favorite subject?
Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.
What's tall, has a twin, and is in Manhattan?
Nothing, Bin Laden destroyed them all.