What did Hitler say to the sheep, "Baaarrrrrrr!" Hahaha, get it, sister? Am I rightttt?
Q: Name a murderer?
A: Jews: Hitler. Russians: Stalin. Chinese: Mao. Americans: Bin Laden. Aborted fetus: My mom.
What’s the difference between Anne Frank and Harry Potter? Only one came out the chamber.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Why didn’t Anne Frank just finish her diary?
Concentration problems.
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
My grandpa was a great pilot, but he died on September 11, 2001.
People in 1912: The Titanic is unsinkable!
Iceberg: Hold my beer.
Name one person who would take an orphan?
Michael Jackson, so they can play all night.
What's the best thing about 9/11 jokes...
They make you collapse with laughter because the Twin Towers collapsed.
How did Princess Diana die?
Giving the glove box head.
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
Do you know who invented paper?
Cai Lun!
“RIP” Cai Lun.
What do you get when a dinosaur farts?
A blast from the past!
Have you ever seen Helen Keller's dog?
Neither has she.
All of the sudden, if you're Republican, you're racist, and Communism is a symbol of freedom? What happened to the proud men our founding fathers were, damn it!
Yo mama so old, she pre-ordered the Bible.
Why did Hitler say "nein"? Because he just got raped, bitch!
Who are the fastest readers? Nine-eleven victims, because they fell through 720 stories in under 10 seconds.
Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.
Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.
Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.
