History jokes

What were Princess Diana's last words?

Have you been Dri...?

Michael Jackson is like a TV from the 1900s: black and white.

Why do I support slavery?

Because I’m white.

Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?

Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.

Bully: Ur Gay.

Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.

Bully: *runs away and hears crash*

I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.

The Nazis.

There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semen, and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.

Now that's a hell of a ghost story!

Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.

You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?

All they have is IVs!

At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.

Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.

You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?

There was none, it was all white!

What was the last thing on the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?

...

...

Their knees.

*Ba dum tss*

R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II.

People should stop making jokes about major tragedies. My dad died on 9/11...

He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia.

Yeah, I stopped joking about 9/11. My jokes usually just ended up crashing and burning.

The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.

Anyone else know that Hitler had only one testicle?

Maybe that's why he killed himself. Bro could never get any bitches!

I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...