History jokes
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
On the day of 9/11, the WTC's ordered cheese and pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
Say what you want about Hitler, at least he got the trains to run on time.
Why do white people carry Confederate flags?
To remind us that they are losers.
Can we go back to 2001?
I bet it was more fun back then.
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
An old Indian was buried on the side of a hill. What did he say?
Nothing, he was dead.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably crash and burn.
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
Where did the king put his armies?
In his sleevies.
Last words of the captain of the Titanic... "Where's all this water come from?"
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common?
There used to be two, but now it's a touchy subject.
I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!
Why were the twin towers fighting?
Because they ordered pepperoni, but they got plain.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims of course, they went through 89 stories in only 5 minutes!
Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.
Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.
Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.
What do you call it when a caveman does a fart?
A blast from the past!
Yo mama was really the reason why the Titanic sunk.
"Nahtzee"