History jokes
Who invented shadow boxing?
Adolf Hitler.
What do a black person and Alexander Hamilton have in common?
They both got shot.
Why did they burn witches back in the day?
Because they were annoying feminists.
Knock, knock.
“Who's there?”
“The Twin Towers.”
“The Twin Towers who?”
“I thought you'd never forget.”
Why is Ireland so gay?
Because the Brits stole all their women.
"There's one terrible pilot." -- President George W. Bush on September 11, 2001.
Why is America so good at Rubik's cubes?
They have a history of sorting colours.
How many Indians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and wait for the British to come and do it.
I read a book on the Tracy Latimer case the other day.
It was a gas.
If Asians are bad at driving, then was Pearl Harbor an accident?
Why did Anne cross the road?
To get a new head ;)
What is a snake’s favourite subject?
Hiss-tory!
I have the superpower to predict the past.
History is mostly just a list of things men did while women were busy making sure they didn't die of scurvy.
You're so ugly that you made Hitler commit suicide.
Okay, guys. Today we're gonna read the Women's Rights of 1920...
Okay, thanks for watching!
What's the number one thing in an orphan's search history?
"How to find a family."
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
What do you call an older white man surrounded by young black men in the 1800s?
Master.
What do you call an older white man surrounded by young black men in the 2000s?
Coach.
Why are Black people afraid of ghosts?
Because ghosts remind them of the KKK.