History jokes
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?
There was none, it was all white!
My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...
He fell from a tower.
What was the last thing on the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
...
...
Their knees.
*Ba dum tss*
R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II.
Fuck teslas
People should stop making jokes about major tragedies. My dad died on 9/11...
He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Yeah, I stopped joking about 9/11. My jokes usually just ended up crashing and burning.
Why did Helen Keller have no ornaments on her Christmas tree?
'Cause she always dropped them.
The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.
Anyone else know that Hitler had only one testicle?
Maybe that's why he killed himself. Bro could never get any bitches!
I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...
Somebody asked Rosa Parks what color the Skittles were, but she answered everything was black and white.
"Jingle bells, Osama smells."
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
What’s worse than dropping your ice cream?
The Holocaust.
What does Kobe and the Twin Towers have in common?
The pilots just couldn't stick the landing.
Wow, that was explosive!
Man, I'm on fire 🔥 today!
Hitler walked so Kim can run.
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.
Why does Jesus never vacation on Earth?
Because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick, and they're still talking about it!
Why are Americans bad at chess? Because they lost two towers.