History jokes
Bully: Ur Gay.
Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.
Bully: *runs away and hears crash*
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
"Where is Germany again, Father?"
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."
"Yes?"
"Has Hitler seen this map?"
There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semen, and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.
Now that's a hell of a ghost story!
Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
Memes
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...
He fell from a tower.
You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?
There was none, it was all white!
What was the last thing on the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
...
...
Their knees.
*Ba dum tss*
R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II.
People should stop making jokes about major tragedies. My dad died on 9/11...
He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Yeah, I stopped joking about 9/11. My jokes usually just ended up crashing and burning.
Why did Helen Keller have no ornaments on her Christmas tree?
'Cause she always dropped them.
The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.
Anyone else know that Hitler had only one testicle?
Maybe that's why he killed himself. Bro could never get any bitches!
I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...
Somebody asked Rosa Parks what color the Skittles were, but she answered everything was black and white.
"Jingle bells, Osama smells."
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!