History jokes
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly woman?
The Twin Towers got fucked.
How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.
What did the Americans call the Battle of Midway after Pearl Harbor?
The Jap trap.
Teacher: Tell me a moral story.
Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.
Teacher: What is the moral even?
Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.
Bully: Ur Gay.
Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.
Bully: *runs away and hears crash*
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
"Where is Germany again, Father?"
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."
"Yes?"
"Has Hitler seen this map?"
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semen, and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.
Now that's a hell of a ghost story!
Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
What did Paul Revere yell during a full moon?
The British are cumming! The British are cumming!
You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?
There was none, it was all white!
My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...
He fell from a tower.
What was the last thing on the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
...
...
Their knees.
*Ba dum tss*
R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II.
People should stop making jokes about major tragedies. My dad died on 9/11...
He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Yeah, I stopped joking about 9/11. My jokes usually just ended up crashing and burning.
Why did Helen Keller have no ornaments on her Christmas tree?
'Cause she always dropped them.
The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.