Captain jokes
What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"
Titanic was sinking.
Passenger: "How far are we from land?"
Captain: "Two miles."
Passenger: "Which direction?"
Captain: "Down."
There was a plane crash. The pilot's names were Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow.
What cereal do I eat?
Captain Bolts.
Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:
Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"
Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."
If Shaq had a boat, he would name it "Freethrow," because he would never sink it.
Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"
What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved.
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
"The canons be ready, Captain!"
"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!
"Hello, this is your captain speaking. We are flying at a level of 89 feet. If you look out of your window on the left, you will see the World Trade Center."
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
Why are Captain from SpongeBob and Michael Jackson so similar?
They both say, "Are you ready, kids?"
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
What does every pirate hate?
A small chest with no booty.
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?
The Captain's Log.
Q: What's a ship's least favorite food? A: Iceburg-ers