Government jokes
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
Covid 19 stopped mass shootings faster than the Government.
If the government can print money,
Then why are we paying taxes?
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
What is the motto of left-wing authoritarianism?
We don't have one, so you don't need one.
"Lock him up, you know, Trump!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel had wine and cheese while your loved ones died in the ICU.
If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.
Trump got a new jet.
He's probably already licked the windows.
Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?
Because they have to pay for road tax.
The last two presidents of the US.
2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?
Go to the junkyard.
"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."
"If you got a question, just shoot!"
What's the difference between a government and a pawn shop?
They lower you.