History jokes
I guess in British chess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without two towers.
The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.
You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.
Michael Jackson is like a TV from the 1900s: black and white.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
Why did Helen Keller fail school? She was bad at language.
Yo hairline so far back, it goes back to Jesus on the cross!
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why are New Yorkers so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers!
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,
and then you remember you’re French.
Who is buried in the tomb of Alexander the Grape?
Alexander the raisin.
If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.
Did you know victims of 9/11 are fast readers?
They went down 100 stories in 4 seconds.
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?
They both died at 95.
Why are Americans bad at chess?
Because they lost two towers.