History jokes
Why are Americans bad at chess?
Because they lost two towers.
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.
Michael Jackson is like a TV from the 1900s: black and white.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
Memes
My bro had siblings who survived they could have helped him at any moment and now we have people around with the last name Hitler.
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly woman?
The Twin Towers got fucked.
When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,
and then you remember you’re French.
I guess in British chess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without two towers.
You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."
So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"
Who is buried in the tomb of Alexander the Grape?
Alexander the raisin.
Why are New Yorkers so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers!
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
Why did Helen Keller fail school? She was bad at language.
Yo hairline so far back, it goes back to Jesus on the cross!
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.
What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?
Bruno Mars.