History jokes
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not the two Twin Towers.
The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly woman?
The Twin Towers got fucked.
You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."
Memes
My bro had siblings who survived they could have helped him at any moment and now we have people around with the last name Hitler.
Why are Americans bad at chess?
Because they lost two towers.
What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?
Bruno Mars.
If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"
What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?
They both died at 95.
I guess in British chess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without two towers.
When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,
and then you remember you’re French.
My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Did you know victims of 9/11 are fast readers?
They went down 100 stories in 4 seconds.
Michael Jackson is like a TV from the 1900s: black and white.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."