History jokes
The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.
You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."
I guess in British chess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without two towers.
When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,
and then you remember you’re French.
And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"
I would tell you a joke about 9/11, but it would come crashing down on you.
Why are Americans bad at chess?
Because they lost two towers.
So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"
Did you know victims of 9/11 are fast readers?
They went down 100 stories in 4 seconds.
If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.
What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?
Bruno Mars.
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
What's a snake's favorite subject?
Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.
What did Helen Keller do when she fell down a well?
Screamed till her hands fell off.
Q: What is Hitler's least favorite grocery store?
A: Jew-Osco
...
What's tall, has a twin, and is in Manhattan?
Nothing, Bin Laden destroyed them all.
What do Monica and Bill Clinton have in common? They both did not inhale. Lol.
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.