Health jokes
One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?
Stop joking with cancer.
- From a survivor :)
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.
No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.
What do dentists play at their practice?
Dental records.
So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!
What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!
Do this on a calculator.
There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.
If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,
Try salad 🥗.
What is the only part of a vegetable you can’t eat?
The wheelchair.
Why doesn't Elon Musk like Taco Bell?
It gives him gas.
We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he broke his leg?
Hospital or Currys PC World?
You're so skinny you never gain weight. You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
What do you call onions and beans?
Tear gas.
Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"
The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"
Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"
What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?
"Happynese" (happy knees).
What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?
You get salmonella.