Health jokes
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
Why do orphans die so much?
'Cause MJ said "she got COVID-19."
Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.
Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.
Me: Oh, I already tried that.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.
Memes
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
Why is the orange 🍊 the fastest fruit?
Because it never runs out of juice.
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
When life gives you melons, You’re probably dyslexic.
Me: Hey friend!
Friend: Yes?
Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.
Friend: Touch.
Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)
Friend: Grass.
Me: And you get?
Friend: Touch grass.
My arm has a different texture than the rest of me, lol.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
Covid be like, "I'm going to take your breath away."
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast.
Your mom is SOO stupid, she was studying for a COVID test.
What’s the worst part of a vegetable?
A wheelchair.