Health jokes
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
My back is straighter than I am, and I literally have scoliosis.
Exercise?
I thought you said "extra fries!"
-A minion (you may now laugh).
What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.
The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.
I am thinking of removing my spine.
It's only holding me back.
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
A man walks into a bar.
He had to have 13 stitches!
What do you give a pig when it has a rash?
Oinkment.
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.
To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.
I'm stumped.
What do you get if you eat sugar?
High.
When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you.
When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called--sheesh!
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
Knock, knock. Who's there? An armless person. Why? They got stumped on why they contacted you.
How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?
You get a good connection.
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
Why did the man put himself on fire?
To BURN Calories.