Health jokes
My grief counselor died.
He was so good, I don’t even care! 😂😂😂
What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?
They both take it in the back and go woop woop.
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.
What do you call a ruptured Chinese man?
One Hung Lo.
Exercise?
I thought you said "extra fries!"
-A minion (you may now laugh).
What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
Why did the doctor get mad?
Because he was losing his patients.
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."
Me: I'm afraid of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh, I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
With great depression comes great antidepressants.
Why do orphans die so much?
'Cause MJ said "she got COVID-19."
My back is straighter than I am, and I literally have scoliosis.
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.