The 400+ Best Cut Jokes

How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?

You cut the rope...

I wish my hair was depressed Cause then it would cut itself

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer, that at least i can scan my worth at the supermarket.

There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.

What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists? Nothing, I cut both of them

I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions

Onions was a good dog

Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?

He kept cutting in line.

How do emo's compliment each other?

They say " I like your cuts g"

What's an emo's favorite Pink Floyd album?

The Final Cut.

Whats The Difference Between A Rabi And A Priest One Cuts Them Off And One Sucks Them Off

Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "hey what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "oh that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.

Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "hey what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "oh that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage."

The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "what's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "well Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit so we cut them off."

What do you call a flat chested emo girl

A cutting board

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

a girl and her brother are walking in their garden POV:Brother. Sister:Why are you cutting those flowers?

Brother; because their beautiful!

Sister:I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't.

Brother:......

we all hear cause we cut our selfs right i mean JK

Wanna hear somethin' ironic?

When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.

How do you cut ancient Rome in half?

With a pair of Caesars.

Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.

Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda look like me.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks " what's that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " fucking, fuck,fuck,Fuck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey.