Cut Jokes

I wish my hair was depressed.

Cause then it would cut itself.

There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.

How do emos compliment each other?

They say, "I like your cuts g."

What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?

Nothing, I cut both of them.

Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?

He kept cutting in line.

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

We all hear cause we cut ourselves, right? I mean, JK.

What's an emo's favorite Pink Floyd album?

The Final Cut.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.

Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.

Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.

A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"

Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"

Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."

Brother:......

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.

Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.

Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"

The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

How do you cut ancient Rome in half?

With a pair of Caesars.

We cut and kill flowers because they're pretty.

We cut and kill ourselves because we are not.

Wanna hear somethin' ironic?

When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.

Where did the sheep get a haircut?

At the baa-baa shop.

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."