Cut jokes
We all hear cause we cut ourselves, right? I mean, JK.
What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?
Nothing, I cut both of them.
Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
How do emos compliment each other?
They say, "I like your cuts g."
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.
Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"
The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"
Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"
Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."
Brother:......
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.
What's an emo's favorite Pink Floyd album?
The Final Cut.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
what's flat and great for cutting? me.
Wanna hear somethin' ironic? When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"
Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."
A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.
Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."