Cut jokes
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
We all hear cause we cut ourselves, right? I mean, JK.
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?
Nothing, I cut both of them.
Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
How do emos compliment each other?
They say, "I like your cuts g."
Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.
Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"
The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"
Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"
Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."
Brother:......
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.
What's an emo's favorite Pink Floyd album?
The Final Cut.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
Have you ever heard of emo pizza?
It cuts itself!
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
What do you call a committee of emo kids?
A cutting board!
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
what's flat and great for cutting? me.