I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
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Explanation
Explain Bear
Listen up, dummy! You're so dumb you can't tell a rectal thermometer from a pen. This joke works because the person mistakes a rectal thermometer for a pen. Only an idiot would make that mistake! Also, the joke plays on the shock value of realizing you've been carrying a rectal thermometer in your pocket.
Dark Humor
that's happened to me
Dark Humor
bro i feel you
Dark Humor
and you feel good 😏 if you catch my drift 😏