Health jokes
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
"Dog the dog" and Maggie were frightened of her, and the kangaroo said that she had to be in a hospital with a doctor. Jokes and Maggie were walking. I was going to go off the road to the city hall to see her, and I said that the only one-piece dress for women readymade RB collection, as he was walking in the city, and Maggie was a little bit more on the side of it.
What’s a kid with Down syndrome's favorite candy... Grunts.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail. "Doctor, doctor!" He cries out. "What is it?" The doctor asks. "I can't feel my legs!" The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded. ". . . That's because I amputated your arms."
Teacher: Don’t run into the road!
Down syndrome: Weeeeee!
Teacher: Lol, now he’s a mashed potato.
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
Yo mama so gay, she almost passed away.
Touch your toes and hold them. Then spell "run." It will say, "r.u.n."
What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What is the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What is the only place fat people live?
Obi-city.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes on a diet, it ends world hunger.
Person: "Sorry to bother you, but what's the quickest way to get to the hospital?"
Stranger: "Oh, just go stand in the middle of the road!"
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.