A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! Thats not going to help!" She said. "Sure it does." he said. "Its the only way i can see the numbers."
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself. Everyone else in the minefield...
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollars at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. WHEN I GO OUTSIDE TOMORROW THERE BETTER BE SOMETHING THAT GOES FROM 0 to 200 IN 6 SECONDS". Bill Says, "Ok". The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it..It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself,... That's a little condescending 😊
friend: hits head* others: how many fingers am i holding up? me: to friend* how suicidal am i on a scale from one to ten? friend: ten me: hes fine guys
My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
When you went to McDonald's you sat down you were so fat they said TBC
Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today. And treat others how you want to be treated! Rate your day scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.
On a scale from 1 to America, how free are you this weekend?
I want your weight not your phone number
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care centre, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
Are you a building?
Cuz I rate u 9/11
On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?
When you step on the weighing scale it shows your phone number!
On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?
If you wanna get fat what's the quickest way to do it? Eat two jars of mayo each day and in about a month your scale will have your phone number!
"Mine is 3 inches."
"That's not very lo..."
"From the ground."
Why are fish 🐟 easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.