Scale Jokes

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! Thats not going to help!" She said. "Sure it does." he said. "Its the only way i can see the numbers."

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself,... That's a little condescending 😊

My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself. Everyone else in the minefield...

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollars at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. WHEN I GO OUTSIDE TOMORROW THERE BETTER BE SOMETHING THAT GOES FROM 0 to 200 IN 6 SECONDS". Bill Says, "Ok". The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it..It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

friend: hits head* others: how many fingers am i holding up? me: to friend* how suicidal am i on a scale from one to ten? friend: ten me: hes fine guys

your momma so fat when she stepped on the weighing scales her phone number came up!

Yo mama is so fat when she got on the scale it said one at a time please.

Yo mama so fat when she went on the weighing scale it said to be continued

yo mama so fat when she went on the weighing scale it aid to be continued.

me: Mom the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!

Your mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said "to be continued"

Your mum is so fat when she was sitting on a scale the number couldnt even fit in the scale and came shooting out

Yo mama so fat when the doctor saw her weight on the scale he said "I asked for your weight not your phone number"

Your mama is so fat. She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale the doctor said I want your weight and not phone number

joe mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said to be contined