Scale jokes
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Yo momma is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
Your momma so fat, when she stepped on the weighing scales, her phone number came up!
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."
My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.
Your mama is so fat.
She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.
So fat you're a scale said, "Fat ass."
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!
Why did the music teacher need a ladder to reach the really high notes?
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
Yo mom is so fat that when she stands on a scale, she broke it, lol.
How do you talk to a giant?
Use big words.