Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! Thats not going to help!" She said. "Sure it does." he said. "Its the only way i can see the numbers."
Yo Mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said-- To be continued
A pedophile is chatting on the internet : "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”
That's the best I've done so far.
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
Why are fish 🐟 easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
Alfonsos mom is so fat. That she stepped on the scale and the doctor sayd “oh Shit thats my phone number!!!”
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself. Everyone else in the minefield...
On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollars at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. WHEN I GO OUTSIDE TOMORROW THERE BETTER BE SOMETHING THAT GOES FROM 0 to 200 IN 6 SECONDS". Bill Says, "Ok". The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it..It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care centre, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop - Right. So you weight yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool. - Oh..that might actually be even easier
Yo mama so fat that she broke the scale when she put one foot on it.
What's a rapist's favorite scale?
C Minor.
When you step on the weighing scale it shows your phone number!
