Diet jokes

You're fat. Don't sugar coat it because you would probably eat that, too.

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.

Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?

Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.

Your mum eats cabbage.

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

Why would a cannibal stop eating people?

If they got fed up with them.

If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?

Why is Sonic so fat? He eats too many chili dogs.

Why can't blind people have a seafood diet?

They have to see food to eat.

Save the plants, eat a vegan.

Why did the alligator see a crocodile?

Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.

When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.

"-Hey dude, you got some beef? You want some beef from me?"

"- No thanks... I'm vegetarian!"

You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that’s just nuts.

What do rabbits eat for breakfast? IHOP.

How do people eat bread?

"I only eat food on the right of my plate."

"Are you good at eating?"

"I'm alright at eating."