Diet jokes
Why can't blind people have a seafood diet?
They have to see food to eat.
What is the difference between a feminist and a vegetarian? A vegetarian doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons. However, a feminist doesn't act like a bitch for moral, religious, or health reasons.
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
You shouldn’t bully fat people.
They already have enough on their plate.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
Why do vegetarians give anonymous blowjobs at the glory hole at an adult book store? Because they don't want anybody to find out that they like meat.
If you think about it, taking candy from a baby is good because candy is bad for babies.
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
I'm not fat!!
I'm a Nutritional Overachiever.
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
What do you call a group of chubby trans-genders?
Trans-fats.
What's the difference between a baby and a sweet potato? About 140 calories.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.