Lumberjack jokes
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
What did the tree say to the Lumberjack? Leaf me alone!
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.
They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.
But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack had a shock with a mouth full of cock cause Jill’s real name was Randy.
With a tight cheeked fanny and shlong expandy, Jack’s face turned uncanny. Off he ranny to tell granny his best friend was a tranny.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Please like this. I bet my friend 20 bucks that I would get to 15 likes before him.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.