Health jokes
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
Why didn't the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn't in it!
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.
Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.
Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can’t defeat cancer!
Why did Joe Biden go to the hospital? Because he couldn't stop Putin.
Dark humor is like cancer, it's funnier when children get it.
My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!
My therapist said time heals all wounds. I stabbed him. Now we wait...
What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.
Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.
What do you call a retarded fruit?
Mentally in-pear-ed.
A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"
The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."
The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
What do you call a dwarf with borderline autism? Jimothy.
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?
It’s all Depends!
Yo momma so skinny, she wipes with floss!
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.