Health jokes
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!
What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?
The Las Vegas shooting.
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."
Memes
What do you get if you talk to a Down syndrome person face to face at close distance?
Soaked...
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?
What do you call a retarded fruit?
Mentally in-pear-ed.
Last time Kenny ate a vegetable, he got banned from his mom's nursing home.
Your mama so fat that when she went to McDonald's, they said, "Sorry, you've had enough, ma'am."
What’s the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable? The wheelchair.
Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
Stephen Hawking had pins and needles and got told to walk it off.
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
Yo mama's so fat that she used a telephone pole as a tampon.
What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.
I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.