Health jokes
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
What do you call a retarded fruit?
Mentally in-pear-ed.
A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"
The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."
The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
What do you call a dwarf with borderline autism? Jimothy.
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?
It’s all Depends!
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!
What is the difference between me and cancer?
My mom did beat cancer.
I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?
What's the difference between dementia and a strawberry?
I don't know. I forgot.
Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?
A: AIDS.
Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
Yo momma so skinny, she wipes with floss!
I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.
Son: Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother had diabetes.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.