Health jokes
A man came running into a hospital saying, "Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know I amputated your arms!"
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"
Five little monkeys jumping on a bed, one fell off and bumped his head.
Mummy called the doctor and the doctor said, "I'm gay!"
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.
It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.
I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.
I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.
I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!
Yo mama is so fat, her blood type is Nutella.
We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.
Did you hear they just took Biden to the hospital?
No, what happened?
He couldn’t stop pootin!
Why do Asians don’t wear contacts? Cause they can’t fitt.
In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.
Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.
A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
What does an electric-type Pokémon say when they get gassy while drinking milk?
I’m Zaptos intolerant!
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
What did the skeleton say when he fell on his funny bone? He laughed!
Why are all fat people bad drivers?
They are all hungover.