Health jokes
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar.
What is the difference between me and cancer?
My mom did beat cancer.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?
A: AIDS.
Memes
Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.
I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.
Yo momma so skinny, she wipes with floss!
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
Son: Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother had diabetes.
I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!
What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?
The Las Vegas shooting.
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
What do you call an Asian in a wheelchair? Sum Ting Wong.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
What do you get if you talk to a Down syndrome person face to face at close distance?
Soaked...
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."