Health jokes
Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?
Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.
Where did the chef put the disease?
In Ebola.
What do you call a ruptured Chinese man?
One Hung Lo.
Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.
What do you call a dinosaur that can’t eat?
Anarexic.
Random post #2
My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.
Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.
I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.
That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
My back is straighter than I am, and I literally have scoliosis.
What's the difference between cancer and my dad?
Cancer is still here. 😂😂😅😅😐😐😪😪😥😥😭😭
Which of these is the smartest; also, list them too: Is it autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!
How do sick Mexicans say hello?
"Ebola."
Technoblade: It is high vitamin B.
Quackiity: What does vitamin B stand for?
Technoblade: Broke.
You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!
"Yah, I do!"
Oh yeah? What is it?
"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"
That’s breathing, Jim.
"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
His favorite drink was his dribble.
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"