Health jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
You look like a 2020 hologram of COVID-19.
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
Memes
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
Why did the carrot roll down the hill?
Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.
What if your Corona test is neutral?
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What's the really bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.
My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."
So I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
What zodiac sign has no hair?
Cancer.
What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.
Why is the orange so blind? Because it needs to take Vitamin C!