Health jokes
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.
You're so fat that you only know 3 letters: KFC.
Memes
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
You look like a 2020 hologram of COVID-19.
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
Why did the carrot roll down the hill?
Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.
What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."
So I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What's the really bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.