Health jokes
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
You look like a 2020 hologram of COVID-19.
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
You're so fat that you only know 3 letters: KFC.
Why did the carrot roll down the hill?
Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
What zodiac sign has no hair?
Cancer.
What if your Corona test is neutral?
My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."
So I stabbed him.
Now we wait...