Health jokes
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
Yo mama sooooooo fucking fat, when she takes a step, she needs a 5-min break.
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
A depressed kid gave me a high five. I left him hanging.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
What do orgasms and pulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
If you have a broken bone, do you have broken skin?
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
Wee dyslexic boy and girl in class.
Wee boy says, "Can you smell gas?"
Wee girl replies, "I canny even smell my name!"
Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?
Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!
What's a saying you shouldn't tell an epileptic?
Seize your moment.
What meds do snakes with ADHD take?
Adder-all.
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
"Simon says touch your chin."
The fat people be like, "Which one?"
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Why do people poop?
Because it we need to!
Your mom is so fat, she starts the alphabet with the letter "o" for obesity, hahaha!
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."