Health jokes
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
You're so fat that you only know 3 letters: KFC.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
You look like a 2020 hologram of COVID-19.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.