1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."
Nurse: *Laughs*
Kid: "Why are you laughing?"
Nurse: "When I get OLDER."
Proceeds to laugh.
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
Joe mama so dumb she studies for the COVID test.
When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,
You respond: "cancer."
Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
Yo mama so stupid, she studied for the COVID test.
Why are obese jokes so offensive?
Because fat people have enough on their plate.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
