Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.
Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?
Oh, it's still cancer.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."
Nurse: *Laughs*
Kid: "Why are you laughing?"
Nurse: "When I get OLDER."
Proceeds to laugh.
I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
Joe mama so dumb she studies for the COVID test.
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.
