Health jokes
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What is it that gay men can't get from having too much oral sex?
Erectile dysfunction.
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?
Because there is a family reunion.
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
TDS? More like STDs.
Post Malone was in the hospital, but he is BETTER NOW.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer, why?
Doctor: What are the chances?
Patient: Of what?
"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
What do you call a Panera Bread doctor?
A Panera med.
What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
Why is a priest different from acne?
Acne waits to come on your face.
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
To get his DENTAL FLOW checked.