Health jokes
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?
My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
Fe fi foung better run and hide: Covid (really).
What did the mongol say to his dog?
Down syndrome!
What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?
Organ harvesting.
So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
Yo mama so fat she can't walk for five seconds without sweating, causing a tsunami!
And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.
To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.
What did the horse say when his throat was sore?
I have a hoarse throat!
What do fish smoke? A puffer.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."