Health jokes
Why am I still alive?
Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.
You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
Memes
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?
"Baby, now we got bad blood."
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.