Health jokes

Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.

How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?

Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.

What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?

Non-buy dairy.

What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without kids.

What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.

Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.

Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.

Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

The doctor told me I'm color blind...

Me: That's out of the purple!

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!

I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.

I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."

How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?

Gingervitus.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?

Fast food.

I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...

... the first two being politics and religion.

What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?

None of them are straight.

What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?

"Baby, now we got bad blood."

How do you tell if someone is depressed?

The brains on the wall.