Health jokes

Why did the orphan try to get hurt?

Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.

He looks around, no one is there.

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

Why do orphans hate health ed at school?

Their parents can't opt them out of it.

What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

Why am I still alive?

Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...

Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.

You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.

Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!

What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?

"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."

I don't think I'm allergic to this.

My grief counselor died just the other day.

He was so good though, I didn't care.

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?

None of them are straight.

I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...

... the first two being politics and religion.

How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?

Gingervitus.

What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?

"Baby, now we got bad blood."