Mortality jokes
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
Life's too short to want it.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies "Nine".
What starts with M and ends with arriage?
Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child.
I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.
Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.
A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
Suicidal people are groundbreaking.
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?
The cancer came back.
If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?
Alive.