Health jokes
Could it be ligma?
Ligma balls, daddy!
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
Ever had a migraine? Yeah, sorry that’s my fault. Couple years ago, all my grains got loose.
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.
So I ended up doing the YMCA.
Your mama is so stupid, Patrick Starr ran away because he thought she might be contagious.
Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk?
Alps clear the mind! Haha.
"Give me a cigarette," the condemned man said.
"I thought you quit," replied the guard.
"I did, but I don't think it matters anymore."
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What is a good night sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk home from school and walk home and walk home from home and walk home and get a good night walk and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from...
Why did the rapper go to therapy?
He had too many BARS he couldn't drop.
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
Because he had too many FILL-INS.
Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.
I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.
What do you call the fighters with an extra chromosome?
Downy unstopables.
Q: What's green and yellow and eats balls?
A: Gonorrhea.
What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?
Cot death.
Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
What do you call a skeleton that does nothing all day?
A lazy bones!
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
He had a bad case of CAVITY FLOWS.