Health jokes
Ever had a migraine? Yeah, sorry that’s my fault. Couple years ago, all my grains got loose.
Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
"Give me a cigarette," the condemned man said.
"I thought you quit," replied the guard.
"I did, but I don't think it matters anymore."
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What is a good night sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk home from school and walk home and walk home from home and walk home and get a good night walk and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from...
What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?
Cot death.
Grandma: "Y’know, I used to be in this wheelchair cause of back pain. But ever since I met Spence, the pain went to my legs. At least my back is fixed!"
"I think my baby is so similar to me!"
"True, but the most important thing is that he is healthy!"
What's the worst part about eating vegetables from the hospital?
The life support cord.
When it's NNN but you have a peanut allergy: 🥳
"ADHD is brainless and autism is braindead."
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.
I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.
Why did the rapper go to therapy?
He had too many BARS he couldn't drop.
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
He had a bad case of CAVITY FLOWS.
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
Because he had too many FILL-INS.
Why was the rapper always in good shape?
Because he never skipped a beat!