Health jokes
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."
People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
What do you call a dwarf with borderline autism? Jimothy.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What did one ankle say to the other? Good morning, how are you today?
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
I want diabetes so I can drink loads of Coke. - Louie Fennell 2018
Here in IHOP, we serve pancakes, not pie cakes. If so, we can always bring in a chart that will power the customer. His smile will remain at its current form, and police surely resisted when I said the word "surely."
I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"
Why was the rapper always in good shape?
Because he never skipped a beat!
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
Your mama is so fat that all restaurants say, "Maximum weight 240KG or your mum!"
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
Why did the moderator of worstjokesever.com die?
He had a heart attack because he was a fat loser.