Health jokes
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What is a good night sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk home from school and walk home and walk home from home and walk home and get a good night walk and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from...
Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
When is a cold not a cold?
no thank u for sleeping
Kid: I got homework.
Mom: Ok, so?
Kid: I got a F in my balls.
This is how to die soft 101.
Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?
I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
Your mama is so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.
When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.
I am like Cookie Monster on steroids when it comes to cookies.
What did Eminem call himself when he lost weight?
Slim Shady.
I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
What's something red that is bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you'll find a brain back there.
Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.
Q: What do you call a person with Down's syndrome who smokes weed?
A: Baked potato.
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
The amputee: -_-