A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"
He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"
I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.
An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."
How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.
Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.
Guy 1: What's your favorite vegetable?
Guy 2: Stephen Hawking.
What did buttholes say after taking a dump?
Buttholes say what a good diarrhea dump.
There was a deaf man. He was deaf. Ha, sucks for him! (sans undertale)
Your mama is so fat that all restaurants say, "Maximum weight 240KG or your mum!"
You've got a body inside you. It's called your bones.
Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"
What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?
Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...
Why did only blonds show up at Saturday's party during the Corona crisis?
Because their computers flashed, "Virus blocked!"
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."
What do you call an Italian with an anesthetic?
Ruberto
If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, would he go to hospital or Curry's PC World?
Why did the girl not eat her dinner?
because she has an eating disorder.
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
