Health jokes
Sally fell off the swing.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Sally.
My family was like dinosaurs when they got COVID.
They both went extinct.
What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abort!
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
What does a bird say when it gets sick?
I flu!
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
What did the Los Angeles Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breathe? They gave George Floyd two squirts of Zicam cold remedy inside his nose.
Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.
How much did the liver weigh?
It weighed a skeleTON.
Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?
A: It sends chills up their spine.
Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.
What are all grandmas infected with? Defiantly not a parasite!
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
Jig, Jill, Bill ate a pill.
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh for god's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
My mental health.
What do you call an STD?
Elenji.
What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?
(Insulin)
What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?
You get salmonella.