Health jokes
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
What do you give a sick bird?
Tweet-ment!
Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally.
If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.
no thank u for sleeping
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.
So I ended up doing the YMCA.
Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
My mental health.
Your mama is so fat. She gets winded just thinking about running.
Your mama is so stupid, Patrick Starr ran away because he thought she might be contagious.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My name is Ach.
Ach who?
Bless you!
Real Pokémon.
Anxiety evolved into depression. Depression was the final stage evolution.
Sally fell off the swing.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Sally.
"Peppa Pig"-like pandemics.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What is a good night sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk home from school and walk home and walk home from home and walk home and get a good night walk and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from...
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
Because they're all about those DENTAL GRILLS!
"ADHD is brainless and autism is braindead."