Health jokes

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.

Only if Africa have enough mosquito nets, the mosquitos will not die of AIDS.

Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?

Because they just keep getting harder and harder!

Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.

Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.

What should you do to prevent dry skin? Use a towel.

Why did the rapper go to the dentist?

To get their FILLINGS fixed.

What do you call people with ADHD?

A brainless speeder.

A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?

Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.

What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?

Air quality alert code brown!

What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?

One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.

I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

What did the Los Angeles Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breathe? They gave George Floyd two squirts of Zicam cold remedy inside his nose.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair.

What is a good night sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk home from school and walk home and walk home from home and walk home and get a good night walk and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from...

When it's NNN but you have a peanut allergy: 🥳

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

What's a saying you shouldn't tell an epileptic?

Seize your moment.

What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?

A pap smear.