Health jokes

Have you seen the movie "Constipated?"

It hasn’t come out yet.

What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?

They both have an expiry date.

Why did Mimi cross the road?

She had cancer.

A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.

I invited my friend with a vasectomy to a party.

Unfortunately, he couldn't come.

How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.

Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.

You've got a body inside you--it's called your body bones.

You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.

Health commercials be like:

Serious side effects can cause:

Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!

There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.

They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.

A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.

Bitches do be so flat, you would think they have breast cancer.

My sister said you smell, but then she saw her panties having moles on it.

Why did Alice from Wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere, then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.

What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?

Afgan-I-Stand.

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair.

So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?

One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!