Health jokes

Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.

What do fish smoke? A puffer.

Your bitch has Covid-19.

What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?

Cause they want to become Super Man.

Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.

What do you call a bunch of wheelchairs on top of one another?

A vegetable rack.

So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.

Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."

And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"

Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"

Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF

A man walks into a bar.

He had to have 13 stitches!

The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.

Me and my cancer

Are like a game of Fortnite.

I’ll never win.

A man gets an email from his doctor.

"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."

The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"

Jig, Jill, Bill ate a pill.

After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"

The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.

"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.

The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"

Why are obese jokes so offensive?

Because fat people have enough on their plate.

What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?

They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.

What do you call someone with no legs?

Disabled.

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

What’s the difference between drugs and kids?

I don’t do drugs.