I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.
Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills.
Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him?
Doctor: They Are For You.!!
Stephen Hawking’s death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? The cabinet had sleeping pills.
Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"
Men wake up with a boner. Women wake up yawning. Coincidence?
If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
What kind of dreams do hotels have?
Suite dreams
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!!
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
Knock knock
Who's there
Insomnia
You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can 't cry myself to sleep anymore...
My day started out great until I woke up
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning
How does you make a baby astronaut sleep? You rock-it
