Health jokes
Two lepers meet on the street.
First says "How are you doing?"
Second says "Mustn't crumble!"
Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
He pimples?
If Jonny ate 29 out of 30 chocolate bars what would he have? Diabetus. Jonny would have diabetus.
Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.
Why don't some people have balls? Because they play soccer with them.
Why did the gym close?
It's because it just never worked out.
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?
Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.
"Chelsea is the most consistent team.
One win in August, one win in September, and one win in October; it's just like a menstrual cycle.
If they don't win in November, just know that they're pregnant." 😅
Why is the world split in half? Because fat people are weighing the Earth down.
"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."
Weirdo: I'm too high to die!
Me: You'll just fall harder.
Did you know one of the singers of YMCA had AIDS? Y-M-C-AIDS.
What do you call someone with notorious special needs and an extra chromosome?
The double trouble.
How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.
You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."
Where can you donate an aborted fetus?
Your local pizzeria.
What do you call a notorious special needs student with an extra chromosome?
The double trouble.