Health jokes
"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"
"Oh, that was the cat."
"We don't have a cat..."
"Oh..."
What do you call a rapper with a cold?
Lil Sneezy.
What’s the difference between masturbation and brain damage?
After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
Fat women can't walk, but on 9/11, they ran.
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth picks.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
What do orgasms and pulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
Why is Delta jealous?
Because Omicron took the final kill.
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
I have nut cancer...
Gina: Maryen? Karlya? Amber? Kristie? Why isn't it listed that she's here?
Zari: Your sister isn't listed in the meantime, just relax.
Gina: That still doesn't answer why she's not listed. I want her to see me!
Zari: Anyway, it will be time for your medications, we have the gixen and the Uiasends.
Gina: Do you know my sister's name?
Zari: Yes. Her name is Jalien.
Gina: Fine, I don't care!!!
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
In the year 2020, who were the biggest enemies?
Coronavirus and toilet paper.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.
What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?
They both have an expiry date.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite snack?
Vegetables.