Health jokes
If Jonny ate 29 out of 30 chocolate bars what would he have? Diabetus. Jonny would have diabetus.
"Chelsea is the most consistent team.
One win in August, one win in September, and one win in October; it's just like a menstrual cycle.
If they don't win in November, just know that they're pregnant." 😅
Why is the world split in half? Because fat people are weighing the Earth down.
Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you'll find a brain back there.
Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.
Memes
Why don't some people have balls? Because they play soccer with them.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.
Two lepers meet on the street.
First says "How are you doing?"
Second says "Mustn't crumble!"
I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.
Kid: I got homework.
Mom: Ok, so?
Kid: I got a F in my balls.
This is how to die soft 101.
Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
When is a cold not a cold?
Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.
He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.
Most of his Taliban friends have more wives than teeth.
Alles tut weh.
A monkey eats cheese. He was lactose intolerant.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair! ♿
For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.
Why is he called Stephen Hawking?
Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.