Health jokes
Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.
Q. What's an Alzheimer's victim's favourite song? A. Stand Down at Sundown.
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
If you are fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
💪 💪 🏋️‍♂️ What do you get when you cross a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a bukkake slut, and a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a sex worker?
Cum Junkie.
Memes
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
He had a bad case of CAVITY FLOWS.
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
Because he had too many FILL-INS.
Why was the rapper always in good shape?
Because he never skipped a beat!
What do you call an Irish person having a seizure? A Shamrock Shake.
What do you call a rapper who’s also a DOCTOR?
MC Healer.
Why did the rapper go to therapy?
He had too many BARS he couldn't drop.
"ADHD is brainless and autism is braindead."
What do you call a javelin thrower with Parkinson’s?
Shakespeare.
Grandma: "Y’know, I used to be in this wheelchair cause of back pain. But ever since I met Spence, the pain went to my legs. At least my back is fixed!"
Symptoms of Schizophrenia.
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
Me after Taco Bell: Go to: [link to image of broken toilet]
Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"
Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."
Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"
My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
Son: Mom, I did the test and I have cancer!
Mom: YOU HAVE CANCER?!
Son: Mom, as my zodiac symbol...
Mom:....