Health jokes
Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?
Milkshake.
My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.
He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"
"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"
My dad said I need to eat more. I don't know why, but his fat ass needs to stop eating.
100% of blind people in Africa can't see. Together, we can stop this.
When a pregnant lady gives birth, it looks like she is having an erection.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
"Peppa Pig"-like pandemics.
Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
People say your body is 75% water, while mine [is] 100% full of coffee.
Your Dad.
My grief counselor died.
He was so good, I don’t even care! 😂😂😂
Why was the rapper always in good shape?
Because he dropped the mic and picked up weights!
How can a man make the world safer?
By having the chop.
Have you met Bofa?
Bofa deez blind kids!