Health jokes
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
How much did the liver weigh?
It weighed a skeleTON.
How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
What’s weaker than a daffodil? Mundy’s ankles.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
What do you call an STD?
Elenji.
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?
You get salmonella.
Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?
A: It sends chills up their spine.
Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.
What are all grandmas infected with? Defiantly not a parasite!
Could it be ligma?
Ligma balls, daddy!
What did the Los Angeles Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breathe? They gave George Floyd two squirts of Zicam cold remedy inside his nose.
What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?
(Insulin)
I have more STDs than Hicks has friends at the moment. I only have one.
What does a bird say when it gets sick?
I flu!