Health jokes
For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.
I have no toes, so I put blood on my foot, and then my other foot got run over, so, ye.
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”
Dear uncle, I want my condoms.
I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.
A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
In life, some people have it harder than others.
That's why Viagra exists.
I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
What did Omnicron say to Delta?
"Same race, bud, different evolution."
"SIX FEET AWAY, OMNI! SIX FEET AWAY!"
Cancer.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.
Doc: Can I help you?
Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.
Doc: When did it begin?
Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).
Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...
Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.
Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?
Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk?
Alps clear the mind! Haha.
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
Bros got barcode arms.