Health jokes
What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?
You get salmonella.
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh for god's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
What's the difference to a kamikaze and bin Ladin?
Bin Ladin survived when he went into a building. I have aids.
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
Memes
no thank u for sleeping
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!
Jig, Jill, Bill ate a pill.
What’s weaker than a daffodil? Mundy’s ankles.
What do you call an STD?
Elenji.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
What’s a guy with Tourette’s favorite app to use? Tiktok.
Did you hear about the "Funny Doctor"?
He'll have you in "Stitches"!
What's the most expensive haircut you can get? Chemotherapy.
Why do people never kick their own balls?
Because they might lose one!
I C U P works on 88% of people.
Anne Frank: This one time at camp, someone had too much gas.
I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎
Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk?
Alps clear the mind! Haha.
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?