Health jokes
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
You're an alcoholic!
Ms. Norsworthy's chompers are so big they killed a kid once.
When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!
How much did the liver weigh?
It weighed a skeleTON.
Get the gun, shoot it up your bum!
What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."
Yo momma so fat, when she went for a health consultation, the doc told her to make do with health insurance.
What’s a guy with Tourette’s favorite app to use? Tiktok.
Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?
Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.
Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.
For so long, I thought I was a Gemini, apparently I'm Cancer!
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.
Why were condoms invented? So gay guys can have sword fights.
Fe fi foung better run and hide: Covid (really).
How do skeletons get COVID?
From the coffin!
Yo mama so stupid that she had an appointment with Dr. Pepper.