Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.
600-lb Life
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Explanation
Explain Bear
Alright, listen up, butterball. This dude is saying you're so fat, he'd put you on "My 600-lb Life," but jokes that you're already way past that weight. People on that show wish they had your physique, you absolute unit.