Medical condition jokes

Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

It ain't always easy having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.

What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.

What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair.

Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."

Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"

Patient: "What condition?"

What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.

What do you call a white person having a seizure?

A vanilla shake.

Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.

After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”

She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?

To keep all the vegetables fresh.

I would tell a scoliosis joke.

But that would be completely out of line.

What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?

Seizure salad.

what do you call a white person having a seizure?

a vanilla shake.

Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.

Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.

They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”

Old man goes to the doctor.

The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."

The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"

I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.

What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?

Mashed potatoes.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.