Food jokes
Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!
What's the difference between a school shooting pistol and a baked potato? The physical composition, of course, but they both pack the same heat.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Memes
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
You must be rich! You've got all the cashews.
You pecan do it!
Pistachio can’t, but pe-can.
Why don't cows make good policemen?
Because they refuse to go on steak-outs!
Dude, your last name sounds like a seafood shop, Jordan C.!
What's a dumbfuck's favorite condiment to put on his burger?
Re-tarter sauce.
Q: How do you get 50 babies in a bucket?
A: With a blender!
Q: How do you take them out?
A: With Doritos!
What did the egg say to the other egg?
"You crack me up!" 😂
Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.
Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?
When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.
What is it called when corn stalks have a baby?
The cream of the crop.
You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.
Friend: I must order more nuts.