Food

Food jokes

Lesbian

What's a lesbian's favorite candy?

Licorice.

Swimsuit

Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?

To separate the meat section from the dairy section.

Viagra

What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?

Strong to the finish.

Vegetable

What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.

Common

What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.

Gay

How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.

Wife

What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?

"Does this come with anything?"

Twin Towers

What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.

Twin Towers

I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.

Incest

I can’t stand jokes about Germans.

They’re the wurst.

Michael Jackson

What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?

He-he-eat!

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

What's the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you stick the cucumber.

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?

When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.