Vegan jokes

If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?

How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They'll tell you.

Vegans: Save the Earth.

Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!

What do you call a vegan cow?

A vegan cow. :/

OR

A regular cow. 🐄🙌

What do you call a vegan slut?

A garden ho!

A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?

Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.

Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?

What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.

But if you're vegan, you call him food.

If you're poor, you eat the skin.

Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.

The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"

What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?

Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.

What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?

- A VEGUN.

Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.

How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?

Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.

A vegan and a transgender jump off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first.

Who wins?

Society.

If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?

Vegan Teacher the musical.

Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"

Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶

Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵

Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵

Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵

Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"

Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"

- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.

Why do vegans use blowjobs?

Because they can’t take real meat.

Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."

Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?

He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.