Food jokes
Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again.
If LEO were a spice, she’d be flour... BLAND and FORGETTABLE!
Why can't Asians play baseball? Because they will eat the bat.
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza. Instead, they got a plane.
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
What's an old man's favorite food?
Wrinkled onions.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
Yo mama so dumb, when her computer was asking for cookies, she grabbed a cookie, smashed it onto the screen, and broke the computer.
There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.
But, it's like a plane pizza.
Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?
0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.
What is a duck's favorite drink to sip on? Duck wine.
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
Where does a Muslim like to go and eat?
Allah's snackbar!