Bug Jokes

Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.

Little Johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later, his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it, he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off.

"What was that, Dad?" asked lil Johnny. "Oh, just a bug," said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face, he then says, "That bug sure had a big dick, didn't he?"

Why do bugs hate the internet?

Because they always get caught.

Get it? Inter-net?

How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.

Me when I see a bug flying my way " Omg what is that " lmao

A woman looks surprised and disgusted with her mouth open and two white sticks held in front of her.

Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...

BA-DUM CHHH!

What kind of bug lives in a graveyard?

A zomBEE.

What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Half of if.🐛

Q. You know what really bugs me?

A. Insect puns.

What’s the difference between Hitler and a bug

Nothing

If Bugs Bunny had Down Syndrome:

" Meeeehh, what's up Downs? "

You know why elmur fludd always came out hunting rabbits in the woods because bugs bunny would not stop flirting with his girlfriend.

What did the human say to the fly when it was buzzing around the human's head?

WOULD YOU STOP BUGGING ME!

What is bugs bunny favorite desert chocolate carrots balls.

How does a skeleton kill a bug? They SOCKET!

Why Do you like cream instead of bugs

Because bugs can kill you

yo if u don't stop bugging Watersharky, we'll all go down!

Guy goes into the gas station says I need a box of rubbers with pesticide. The cashier said pesticide don't you mean spermicide? The guy says no! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week and I am going to kill it.