Fire jokes

Your breath is so hot, it made the Chicago fire!

Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.

I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.

One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:

"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"

"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."

"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"

"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"

"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"

What begins with F and ends with CK?

Fuck, I mean fire truck.

So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

You must be a Charmander. Because you’re making me hot.

Pokemon.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Have you heard the 9/11 joke yet?... It was pretty fire.

911 what's your emergency?

"Burning in toaster."

"Toast?"

"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"

"Set fire to my forest!"

God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.

People of Earth: *running and screaming*

Santen: *to God* Really?

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.

Saying a Kobe joke after he died tends to ignite a fire in the people you say it to.

I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.