Fire jokes
So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?
Memes
when charmander gets old
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?
Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.
People of Earth: *running and screaming*
Santen: *to God* Really?
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Why did the homophobic boy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing away the bent ones!
Have you heard the 9/11 joke yet?... It was pretty fire.
911 what's your emergency?
"Burning in toaster."
"Toast?"
"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"
"Set fire to my forest!"