Fire jokes
Are you the Lusitania 'cause I wanna fire a torpedo into you?
What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?
Answer: Hot wheels...
Your breath is so hot, it made the Chicago fire!
Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.
One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:
"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"
"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"
The ultimate speedrun
What begins with F and ends with CK?
Fuck, I mean fire truck.
So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?
Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?
Because they've already been roasted!
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?
Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Why is arson so fun?
IT'S A FIRE ACTIVITY!
HAHAHAHAHAHAPAHAAHAHIIRTAASIISISISHRNHHTHTHTHHNHSHSNIHTAHE
Day 83 of being trapped in þis room. I made a language. I call it hertof. I speak wiþ þe walls now.
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!