Fire jokes

This website!

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

Boss: You're fired.

Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*

Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?

So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"

Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing with the bent one.

"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.

"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."

"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.

Grandma pointed to the campfire.

Why were there so many victims in the Grenfell flat fire disaster in London?

All the exit signs were in English.

Apex Legends: exists.

Titanfall fandom: (Literally on fire and at war with itself) "Everything is fine."

I Googled "How to start a Wildfire." It gave me 28,452 matches.

ENTER PASSWORD.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

RESET PASSWORD.

NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD.

Sets fire to computer.

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that walks into a fire?

Hot Wheels.

What do you call a retard in a house fire?

Flame Retardant.

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!

Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.

What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?

Hot Wheels.

My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.

One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."

The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."

The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.

Be careful around fire, plastic melts.

What is red and puts out fire?