Fire jokes
How hot do pistons burn?
Hot enough to burn your house down.
My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.
But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.
Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught embezzling.
I like fire trucks and monster trucks.
There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:
"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."
Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"
The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?
Reload and keep firing!
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.
My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"
Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of car on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
What's black and sits on top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking's after a house fire.
Gender reveals be going crazy nowadays.
I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."