Fire Jokes

Have you heard the 9/11 joke yet... it was pretty fire

I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What do you call an emo kid playing with fire? Forgot to clean little piece of dust.

I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames

911 what's your emergency burning in toaster toast? yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast set fir to my forest

Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.

Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?

Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed PROTECTION

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood His hand caught on fire

What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death? They get a discount at the crematorium

You must be a Charmander. Because you’re making me hot.

Pokemon

I pushed a kid on a wheelchair into the school fire and said "hot wheels"

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire. That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.

Saying a Kobe joke after he died tends to ignite a fire in the people you say it to.

a chemical store burned down and the firefighter just stand there but at the end the store fire just went out by himself. But the store owner still got angry.

store owner : why didn't you take out the fire ?? firefighter : yea but it went out by it self store owner : but still why ?? firefighter : your chemical store sells H20 store owner : oh i get it now

Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first. The one on the top or the bottom?

The bottom because his shits already packed.

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need. Grenades, guns, ammo unless it was bolted down it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude. When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?", he asks. "Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.