A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash

Best pilot in Saudi Arabia

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mom is cooking and he accidentally pulls flower all over himself. He says, “Look, mom, I’m a white boy.” His mom smacks him and says, “Go tell your father what you just said.” So he finds his dad and says, “Look, dad, I’m a white boy.” His day bends him over, spanks him, and stands him back up and says, “Now what do you have to say for yourself?” He looks at his father and says, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you, n.....s!”

Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.

“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father.

“It means ‘happy’,” replied the father.

“Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?”

“No, son, I have a wife.”

So a daughter asks her father “dad what is you opinion on abortions?” So her father says why don’t you ask your sister. The daughter responds “but I don’t have a sister… Oh”

A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the fathers back. Keeping calm he tells the sons, “well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor.” He chuckled then passed out from pain.

So a kid walks in the house and says: " mommy, mommy, I found daddy". And the mother says: " stop digging around in the garden, and let you Father rest in peace.

How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?

Apparently not enough to impress him

Moms have Mother’s Day and dads have Father’s Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

How can you tell if your sister is on her period ?

Your fathers dick tastes funny

A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister’s naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister’s name Tulip?" His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes." The boy was still puzzled. “What about big brother Sparrow?” "His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking." The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister." The boy nods with understanding, “Thank you, father.” “No problem, Two-Dogs-F...ing.”

A black kid is baking with his mom when some flour gets poured on him. He says “Look mom, I’m a white boy.” The Mom smacks him and says “Go tell your father what you just said.” The kid says “Look Dad, I’m a white boy.” The father tells him off and whoops his ass. The kid says “I’ve been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people.”

Boy goes to Confession Boy " What are you doing father" Priest “Its called masturbation and soon you will be doing it" Boy " Why do you say that father" Priest " Cause my hand is getting tired”

Yo mama so stupid she said “where are my gifts” on father’s day

I can tell why the founding fathers adopted the constitution because no body likes it

What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father in law

a Black lil boy put flower on his face and he went to his mom said i`m white boy and his mom spank him and she said go to your father and his father spank his and his father said what you got to say i been white for 5 mints i already i hate black people.

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