Bus Jokes

A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.

"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"

"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Do your buses run on time?

No, they run on diesel.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.

Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.

Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.

Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.

Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.

Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words...

Oh fuck, it’s a bus!

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?

The fish can swim.

Q: How did the explorers get to school?

A: They rode the Colum-bus!

What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?

School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.

Two boys are talking on the bus.

Boy 1: I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Boy 2: Hey, did you hear about that school shooting last week?

Boy 1: Oh, that's right.

I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

Why did the child drop their ice cream?

They got hit by a bus.

What is green and looks like a school bus?

A school bus.

What do you call a terrible bus company?

Stagecoach Highlands.