Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone?

He got hit by a bus.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: 'Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, “Don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection”… But she did.

What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children

Did you here about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.

Why did Little Sally drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus.

Why didn’t Sally get home from work.

She got hit by a bus

Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?

Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded

Do your buses run on time? No, they run on diesel.

What’s yellow and cant swim?

A school bus full of screaming children.

What’s the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?

The fish can swim

whats yellow and can’t float?

A school bus full of children

Q: How did the explorers get to school? A: They rode the Colum-bus!

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus!

why’d sally drop her ice cream she was hit by a bus

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

“Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you.”

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.

“Oh, God!” she exclaims. “Take me with you!” The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they’re getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it’s over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

“Ha, ha! I’m the man from the bus!”

“Ha, ha!” says the nun, removing her costume. “I’m the bus driver!”

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

Two boys are talking on the bus Boy 1: I feel like i’m forgetting something. Boy 2: hey did you hear about that school shooting last week? Boy 1: oh that’s right

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