Fire jokes
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
What's black and sits on top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking's after a house fire.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.
Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.
Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.
Falco: Wat...
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?
He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.
What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.
What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.
What do you call a rapper who's also a firefighter?
BLAZE RHYMES.