Toast jokes

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

— Steven Wright

Once my friend's bakery burned down... His business is toast.

What do you say to toast with bad shoes?

"Butter those."

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.

My favorite toast for parties:

May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.

Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?

He toasts the groom.

Butter believe it.

The Toaster: The best bath bomb!

What do strippers and butter have in common?

Both spread for bread.

I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"

Let's have toast in the bath.

Toast is like parents.

If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.

I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.

Fun fact: Toasters were originally called tanning breads!

How do you start an Ethiopian rave?

Stick toast to the ceiling.

911 what's your emergency?

"Burning in toaster."

"Toast?"

"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"

"Set fire to my forest!"

How do people eat bread?

Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.

But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...