Fire jokes
What do you call an emo kid playing with fire?
Forgot to clean little piece of dust.
Why did the homophobic boy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing away the bent ones!
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
Why is arson so fun?
IT'S A FIRE ACTIVITY!
HAHAHAHAHAHAPAHAAHAHIIRTAASIISISISHRNHHTHTHTHHNHSHSNIHTAHE
Day 83 of being trapped in þis room. I made a language. I call it hertof. I speak wiþ þe walls now.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?
Because they've already been roasted!
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?
Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
The Bigfoots had a campfire. One Bigfoot asked what should we roast next. The other replied, "Maybe a penis and a girl."