A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.” Like if you do this to your spouse.
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?” “My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.”
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire. That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton. He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.
If you run next to a car you get TIRED, but if you run behind it you get EXHAUSTED
Ill be here all week.... sadly enough for you.