Daddydildo69

Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry

Rapey santa

The pope drives around in a glass box or as I like to call him a snipers dream

Good news people michael jackson is still alive, they found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids

What's big black and touches children?

Harambe

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but there family died

Anyone else think high school musical would of been a better film with a school shooter

Apparently I'm not aloud home house fires, but the neighbours their house burnt lovely

The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tieing them up

I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the twin towers anyway

Dont you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin

Well if stephen hawking likes black holes so much why did he call security when i put my hole on his face

My wifes always nagging me, you dont let me have any friends, i abuse her and im always coming back late, so i thought i would treat her, i popped up in the attick and introduced her to two women.

I just reached 10 million pounds in euro truck simulator, but its not even close to what Rakhmat akilov achieved

Tescos slogan is every little helps, Well there bag did a wonderfull job on suffocating my wife

Dont you find it ironic that kobye bryant bounced his helicopter of the ground like a basketball

I was absolutely fuming when i found out my mate was rifling through my mums knicker draw

No one goes in there without my permission

My wife said why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely

Thank fully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up emily in the bottom of the ocean