Doesnt jokes
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe. He holds air hostage.
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
Guys, I know how to stop racism. Delete the word "racism." People can't be something that doesn't exist.
What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.
What bee doesn’t fly properly?
Kobe.
I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.
Because obviously she doesn’t listen.
A girl walks into the church and confesses.
Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
Priest: "How have you sinned, may I ask?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call a man a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "He held my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (He holds the girl's hand.)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That does not explain why you called a man a bitch."
Girl: "He started taking off my clothes."
Priest: "Like this?" (He takes off the girl's clothes.)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That also doesn't explain why you called the man a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off his clothes and put his you know what into my you know what."
Priest: "Like this?" (He puts his you know what into her you know what.)
Girl: "Yes, Father! Yes, Father!"
Priest: "Then what?"
Girl: "Then he got up and left me naked."
Priest: "That son of a bitch!"
In order to get $355 million for his civil fraud case, Donald Trump desperately needed to fundraise. So, in every Republican Party event, he will serve the Patriotic Trump Dog! It consists of an 80-year-old sausage inside a 10-year-old cream bun, topped with Russian dressing.
Trump does have the best people, doesn't he?
Do you know when an African doesn't feel hungry?
When he is dead.
Michael Jackson goes to the doctor.
Michael Jackson: "Help, doctor, I've been shot!" Doctor: "I can't fix that, but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again."
What's the difference between a piranha and a teenage girl?
The piranha doesn't wear makeup.
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
What's the difference between me and a knife?
One has a point, and the other doesn't.
I didn't ask: ❌
I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️
With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
Why doesn't anyone play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.