My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
Without Jokes
Without women, sex would be a pain in the ass.
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.
The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"
A Mexican was doing a magic trick. He said, "uno, dos," then disappeared without a trace.
Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"
Orphan: -no response-
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
What do you call a joke without a punchline?
A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
Is Google a girl or a boy?
Obviously a girl, because it won't let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.
My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
I like my men how I like my coffee...
WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!
It's not funny to joke about orphans. Without any education, they'd never understand what the jokes mean.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"