By using this site, you agree to its use of cookies. Read more

Why are orphans bad at poker?

They don’t know what a full house is.

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: no one stands up Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. waves her finger around the left side of the room Little Johnny: stands up Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…

Where the f*ck is my roof?

Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn’t all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

What’s brown and rather bad for your dental health? -A baseball bat

My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.

A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterwords he’s sitting the the doctor’s office and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, “I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer’s.” The man replies, “well, at least I don’t have cancer.”

I donated 100dollars to a blind children’s charity, to bad they won’t ever see a dime of it

roses are dead, violets are dead, I am a bad gardener.

What’s red and bad for your teeth? – A brick.

What do you call an asian kid who’s bad at math?

An orphan

I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun… Then it dawned on me

I tried to catch the fog, but I mist

Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? – He doesn’t stand for anything.

Why are Americans bad chess players?

They lost two towers.

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

Jake Paul

What do need in order to crash a train?

A bad track record

Why are Americans so bad at chess?

Because they already lost two towers.