My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.

Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn’t all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

What’s brown and rather bad for your dental health? -A baseball bat

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…

Where the f*ck is my roof?

A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterwords he’s sitting the the doctor’s office and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, “I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer’s.” The man replies, “well, at least I don’t have cancer.”

I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun… Then it dawned on me

I donated 100dollars to a blind children’s charity, to bad they won’t ever see a dime of it

What do need in order to crash a train?

A bad track record

Why are Americans bad chess players?

They lost two towers.

What’s red and bad for your teeth? – A brick.

What do you call an asian kid who’s bad at math?

An orphan

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: no one stands up Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. waves her finger around the left side of the room Little Johnny: stands up Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.

Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? – He doesn’t stand for anything.

the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.

Why are cats bad storytellers? – Because they only have one tale.

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather?

A brrrrrrrr-d!

What did the cow say to the sheep? “Moo!” What did the sheep say to the cow “That was a bad joke!”

I tried to catch the fog, but I mist

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