Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house is.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: no one stands up Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. waves her finger around the left side of the room Little Johnny: stands up Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…
Where the f*ck is my roof?
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterwords he’s sitting the the doctor’s office and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, “I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer’s.” The man replies, “well, at least I don’t have cancer.”