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Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: no one stands up Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. waves her finger around the left side of the room Little Johnny: stands up Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…

Where the f*ck is my roof?

My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.

Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn’t all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

What’s brown and rather bad for your dental health? -A baseball bat

A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterwords he’s sitting the the doctor’s office and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, “I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer’s.” The man replies, “well, at least I don’t have cancer.”

I donated 100dollars to a blind children’s charity, to bad they won’t ever see a dime of it

I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun… Then it dawned on me

What do you call an asian kid who’s bad at math?

An orphan

What’s red and bad for your teeth? – A brick.

Why are Americans bad chess players?

They lost two towers.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims, they went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn’t see that one coming, don’t feel bad, they didn’t either

Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? – He doesn’t stand for anything.

the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.

I tried to catch the fog, but I mist

roses are dead, violets are dead, I am a bad gardener.

What do need in order to crash a train?

A bad track record

A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm.” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”

Why are cats bad storytellers? – Because they only have one tale.