The 25+ Best Laptop Jokes

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them

What do you call a singing laptop? -- A Dell.

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it jokes on her she doesn't have any fingers.

Stephen hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery

I work as an IT technician. The other day I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying “do you consent to cookies.” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means so that’s why he called me

So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work

Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and can't use my phone in class? cows go moo

Does anyone know what's going on with all the creeps that joined and restart your school laptop to get everything unblocked

Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop? So that he could design his own “ website “.

If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.

why do orphans not like laptops... they dont have a home page

When I got to school they gave me an acer laptop, so I went up to the teacher, and aced her

I wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor. I need some parts for my laptop

So my kid every time I walk in the door he shuts his laptop so i check his history It was good but my wife checked mine and she didn't say the same the words I head was get out.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back... The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”

“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”