“And then I said KNIFE to meet you.”

“You stabbed my brother!”

“It’s okay, I’m in STABle condition!”

A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says " Come! Meet Jesus!" One of the guys takes out a knife and says, “You first”

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”

A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe

What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.

Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)

I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster

What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you

I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The fuck you doing whit that knife

Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gunna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘ re re‘ and your like ‘ re re ‘ yourself motherf*ucker and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SUPRIZE the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!

Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.

why did the boy ask a question to the girl

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend. Her boyfriend said “hi.” I said, " knife to meet you."

Knife to meet u all!

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn’t outsmart me.

Whats a knifes favorite person?

The victim.

Whats a crazy mans favorite phrase when he has a knife?

Freak out!

Two men were were on a hike through a forest when on of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake the other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened the doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, ‘‘have u got the cure’’ hiker number two just said nah mate your dead

A American goes on a British bus after being in war he wants to sit down so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down but there is a old woman on the seat with her dog in the next the man says will you move your dog the lady says oh you Americans always so demanding and she says to sit some where else he goes through and finds no seats so now he at the back again this time he throws the dog out the window and sits down the man in front says you Americans always do things wrong first yoy drive on the wrong side of the road then hold you knife and fork wrong and you threw the wrong bitch out the window

will: Let’s bring Hannibal a gift today! beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that! will: Yey! beverly: What should we bring him? will: holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile come in the bucket!