“And then I said KNIFE to meet you.”

“You stabbed my brother!”

“It’s okay, I’m in STABle condition!”

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”

A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says " Come! Meet Jesus!" One of the guys takes out a knife and says, “You first”

What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.

A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe

Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend. Her boyfriend said “hi.” I said, " knife to meet you."

Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gunna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘ re re‘ and your like ‘ re re ‘ yourself motherf*ucker and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SUPRIZE the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!

Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)

part 2 : he walks up to a stake and nails himself there. then he finds the knife and says someone to find a cake to celebrate his death. but everybody came. that was the sign that nobody loved him and thats how you know if people love you

Knife to meet u all!

I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The fuck you doing whit that knife

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn’t outsmart me.

What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you

a depressed guy walk into a utensil store and finds a knife but he didnt stab himself… part 2 coming out tommorow

My dad…came over late at night…he was drunk…he started telling me how useless I was…then I went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and stabbed him in the chest 47 times…3 minutes later…he died…now I’m losing mind…and cutting myself…

will: Let’s bring Hannibal a gift today! beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that! will: Yey! beverly: What should we bring him? will: holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile come in the bucket!

Two men were were on a hike through a forest when on of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake the other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened the doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, ‘‘have u got the cure’’ hiker number two just said nah mate your dead

Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured “well that escalated quickly…”

At work: Hey guys I’m gonna arnold clock out now.