Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)
Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils : A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT
Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gunna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘ re re‘ and your like ‘ re re ‘ yourself motherf*ucker and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SUPRIZE the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
"And then I said KNIFE to meet you."
"You stabbed my brother!"
"It's okay, I'm in STABle condition!"
Whats a knifes favorite person?
The victim.
I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster
Little johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off. *What was that dad?" Asked lil johnny. "oh just a bug." Said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face he then says. "That bug sure had a big dick didn't he?"
When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
i watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. only got caught once.
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."
if the noose breaks, stab yourself! If the knife is dull, shoot yourself! if the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
Knife to meet u all!
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*
what's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.
