My family is like a treasure.
You need a map and shovel to find them.
Absence Jokes
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
What do you call an orphan's family reunion? "Me time."
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.
Girl: "Come over."
Orphan: "I can't."
Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"
Orphan: "Oh cool, something we have in common."
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Their dad didn't come back with the milk.
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.
Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."
Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
Why do orphans have water with cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.