Absence jokes
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their parents.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.
Why was the orphan so famous?
Because when they asked him go big or go home, he only had one option.
My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.
What is the difference between you and an orphan?
Orphans have zero family.
Your hairline's so bad, your dad went to get the milk and never came back. Years later, he comes back and says, "Go get a hairline, boy."
What do you call an orphan who takes a selfie?
A family portrait!
If your dad didn't bring the milk, what are you dipping your cookies in?
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Why did the orphan have to stay at school?
Because they need to leave with a parent.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
What do you call an orphan's family portrait?
A self-portrait.
Why is an orphan like a boomerang? Because they always come back.
A man was on the street and went up to a kid wearing rags. The man asked, "Hey, are you an orphan?"
The kid said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
The man said, "Your parents."
Why didn't the child go to school?
Because he died of a heroin overdose.
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
Why can't orphans go on vacation?
The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!
Kid: Your mom!
Orphan: (cries)
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they can’t find home plate.
Orphan: Hey, where's the milk?
Dad: . . .