Politics

Politics Jokes

Monica Lewinsky

Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

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  • Water

    9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.

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  • Bill

    What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

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  • Thief

    A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."

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  • Politician

    I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.

    I've seen too many of them get elected.

    Joe Biden

    What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?

    The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.

    Pattern

    An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."

    The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."

    The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."

    The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!

    Republican

    "When Republicans do politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's politics." ---Tyler Nixon

    Donald Trump

    Donald Trump is proudly anti-woke. He has been falling asleep in his court cases every morning!

    Your move, Ron DeSantis.

    Dick

    A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

    You need to be a complete dick.

    Letter

    Why is the Z the only politically correct letter?

    Because all the other letters are not Z's.

    Monica

    What do Monica and Bill Clinton have in common? They both did not inhale. Lol.

    Political Correctness

    I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."

    You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"

    Support

    I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣

    Politician

    What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?

    Chelsea Clinton.