What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? – The letter F.
Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: “Give me your money.” The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: “But, wait! You can’t do that, I am a Congressman!” The thief replies: “Oh, sorry. Give me MY money.”
“When Republicans do Politics, it’s a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it’s Politics.” —Tyler Nixon
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. ¨You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?¨ The Cuban simply says, ¨See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap.¨ The other passengers are reassured and respond with, ¨Oh, OK.¨
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. ¨You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?¨ The Russian simply states, ¨See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap.¨ Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, ¨Ah, yes! Of course.¨
The American scratches his head and goes, ¨I think I see the pattern here.¨ So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!¨
How’s Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? – Juan by Juan.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. – That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
I’m just here to say that I don’t approve of political jokes…
I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? – To keep his ankles warm.
These days there are only two political parties in India… BJP and anti-BJP…
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, …
so Trump can’t tweet it.
Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. – He wants to make America grate again.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? – “Honey, I’ll be home in 20 minutes.”
If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? – America.
What is Donald Trump’s favorite nation? – Discrimination.
I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.
It was 7:00am when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep, he got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat, “What would you like for breakfast?” Billy’s mom asked politely, Billy replied with “whatever dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!”
What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden. The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap
Best political joke… Joe Biden
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the united states James Earl Carter? read the label on the jar of skippy peanut butter