Why does an orphan like home base? Because he doesn't have one.
Doesnt Jokes
Why doesn't the pirate go to the strip club?
Because he has ALL of the booty!
If you are having sex and your feet are out of the tent, it doesn't count.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he's not coming.
What goes up stairs but doesn't move? Stairs! Laugh now!
(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
So, I was laying in bed and it's winter, so my room is always cold because the heater doesn't work.
And I was thinking.... It would be warmer if someone else was laying here with me.... Then I laughed because who would wanna be with me. Hahaha
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...
Jesus Christ does exist, he does, and he is the son of God... a God that doesn't exist XD
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
Q: Why can't skeletons go to the dance?
A: He doesn't have the guts for it.
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
