Die jokes

When people are ready to die for their country:

Trust the Unionist Party.

Better than Reform.

Hey I have a joke for you.

My life hahah. I wanna die.

I got jealous when my phone died.

A shop assistant is helping a little boy who can't find his mum in the supermarket.

He asks the boy, "What's she like?"

The boy says, "Big Cocks and vodka!"

Nessie is dying.

There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.

When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.

In heaven, an angel asks him why.

“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”

I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.

Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...

I think Jesus is broken.

Little Johnny died.

People named Joey are autistic and need to die fatty.

Why is Lani Jesus? Go die.

@everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.

The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?

A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"

What did the chicken say after he died? Nothing.

My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.

The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.

The guys show up and the guards shoot them.

The guys die because the guards used real guns.

Hitler was the most handsome man alive.

Everyone died for him.

I feel bad for the people who died in 2001. Those poor terrorists died doing their job.

How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.

What did one God say to the other?

"I will die to be a man."